89 Today

That is how old my Mama would have been today, if she was still with us, here in the physical world. She's not, in my mind she is with the angels, with my Dad and all the others that have moved on from our world. I think they are having a good time, being together and waiting for the rest of us to catch up. That is what I chose to believe, I cannot think any other way, that would be too final, too harsh, too sad.

I miss her.......... I miss her each and every day. In so many ways she is still here with me. I hear her voice in my head all the time. My life ebbs and flows around the ethics, morals and standards she instilled in me. I see her things in my home, her memories are there for review deep in my heart and mind. The older I get the more I see her face when I look in the mirror.  I miss HER, her presence, her strength, her no nonsense "keep calm and carry on" attitude. Her capability and her amazing strength of spirit. I miss spending time with her, talking to her on the phone or over a pot of coffee. I miss having someone who shares the whole of my history, who knows the details, who gets the unspoken message. I even miss her pushing my buttons and getting me so frazzled I could scream. I miss her irritating me, I miss her loving me, I just simply miss her. Even no I can hear her saying, "Oh Linda, get over it and get on with it, fussing won't change what has happened, you just have to get on with things".

Busy emailed me today and mentioned the date. It was comforting to know that someone else was thinking of her today. I know we all do, but its was a comfort to see the actual proof. For some reason this year her birthday is a hard day and  its not because Mother's day is around the corner, that is the same thing each year. The anniversary of her death came and went this year and it did not tug at me like her birthday has. I have no explanation as to why I feel it more this year than any other special date. I cannot explain my moods to myself let alone anyone else. It is what it is and today I am sad, I miss my Mama.

While I may be sad, I am choosing to be grateful for the time I did have her with me, for all the wonderful things that our time together entailed and the bad ones too. The good, the bad and the ugly are the things  have made me who I am. They are my history and the stepping stones to my future. I choose to honour that and be grateful for all that was.

always always always the heart and center of our family, 

Linda