Picking up Broken Pieces

Its been a while since I posted. I have had one of those life events that comes from seemingly out of the blue, knocks your world upside down and then you need to gather up the broken pieces and carry on. My oldest nephew died. Just 49 years old and he is gone. This is not how things should be, it goes against the natural order of things but as always we don't get a lot of say in when the people we love take their leave of this world. 

I knew he was ill, I knew that health wise he struggled the last few years but I thought he was getting a handle on it all with the help of his doctors and that he would be here for some time. Certainly longer than my time. We all know not every story has the happy ending and the demons he fought won the day.The Bastards took him from us.

My heart grieves the most for his only child. Both parents gone now and while legally she is a adult, she is still a child herself. Thankfully she has her Grandma, who has been a constant for her for a long time. Our side of the family is not well known to her for a million reasons, not worth going into now. I just hope Grandma is here for some time yet for this sweet girls sake.

So yes in the day to day bread and butter details of life, his death will not cause a great ripple effect for me. We were in touch via text but not really frequently. I had not laid eyes on him for at least four years. That being said there has been a great big hole punched in the fabric of my  being,  A hole that will never be mended. It joins the others. I will always miss him. He was the first. So many firsts we shared, he and I. I loved him from before he was born and will never stop. I hate that he is gone from us. HATE IT

Now I am picking up pieces, getting on with life. My heart hurts. 

Linda