So I came home the other day, flipped on the tv and plopped myself down on the couch. Afghan and a big orange cat on my hip. My almost daily nap time. Yes I nap now, since I have moved into a certain age I find at the end of the day, I need some down time. It be honest I am beat So to the sturm and drang of the Young and the Restless, I drift off quickly and peacefully to sleep. I will sleep for a half hour or an hour and I am sure if I could roll over, I may never get up until morning. This little event has given me pause for thought.
Why is it that I can drit off so easily on the couch and yet in bed its a battle royale to head to the land of Nod? Well I think I have figured it out. Its the TV. The artificial noise and confusion on the box drowns out the noise and confusion in my head. With the box on, I can;t hear the roof that needs shingles, the fridge that is on it last legs, the car that needs its brakes tended to and the eye glasses that need to be replaced before I end up with a permanent squint. The bills, the prescriptions, the legs, the weight, the never ending list of things that need attention. The incessant chatter and worry dances round inside my head like a pack of drunken monkeys. The tv drowns it out, I focus on something else and I can sleep. I am sure my life is no different than any other adult who lives pay to pay. I just was puzzled as to why sleeping on the couch was easy and in bed, I love my bed so its not that, is still a fight after all these years. Turns out my brain does not like to shut off.
Yesterday I held the tiniest little peanut of a human in my hands. So small, so perfect, so precious. Her little bum just fit into the palm of my hand and my fingers went all the way up her wee back to the base of her neck. Her delicate little head fit neatly into the palm of my other hand. A co-worker's granddaughter making her first visit to the office to be shown off and admired. The grand prize at the end of a dangerous and harrowing pregnancy/delivery. Just one little cuddle and one is reminded that miracles do happen, good things come along, the bad passes, life trundles along full of ups and downs. You need to savour the ups and with the bad, let go and let God. So delicate, so perfect, so unspoiled and full of promise.I don;t know just what exactly made me feel so at peace and in awe but I feel so much better after my brief encounter with that little miracle.
Back to the mudane, the bread and butter details of my life. My weekend was filled with quilting. Just one quick trip to Michaels and the rest of the time was needle, thread, thimble and hoops. I made great progress on the quilt and it will be done by this weekend if not before.
I am also busy making a new dinosaur puppet. Its been a while since I created a new puppet so its a bit of an adventure. I will share pictures once I am finished. Dishcloths are also on the needles so I have plenty to keep me going. The purging project has slowed because I am wanting to get the quilt finished but I have a list of things that will get a full body tackle once this quilt is done and dusted.
Sad news this week, Birthday Twin's husband lost his battle with cancer. I feel so sad for her. I would like to be with her but that was not in the cards. I have no vacation time left and could not afford the trip even if I could get off. So we text and I try my best to make her feel less alone and supported. Its hard but she knows I am there for her. Right now its all funeral and family visiting, his not her's. Her brother has opted not to attend. We will continue to text as she finds her new normal. Thank goodness for technology, at least we can stay in touch.
I am not whining, at least I do not intend to. I just need at times to write things out. It helps me process, get new perspective and its cathartic for me. I am finding my new normal in a way. We all have to as we age and our circumstances shift and change. I need to focus on the good, keep improving the me that is and be thankful for the many many blessings in my life. I am after all a work in progress.
Toodles
Linda
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