Food and I

I spend a lot of time thinking and I devote a lot of time to trying to figure out why things are going the way they are. Currently my relationship with food is the topic of choice.

Food and I have a long dysfunctional relationship.  I do want to start out by saying I do not blame my Mom for any of this, I believe with all of my heart that anything that went on between us was done with the genuine intention of helping me. No ill will intended whatsoever no matter what the outcome was. 

I look back a my childhood pictures and I now see a little girl with puppy fat. Maybe she would have outgrown it or maybe it would have stayed had it not become concern. That we will never know because I was put on my first diet when I was 7 or 8 years old. The grapefruit diet. Mom and I did it together. It was with that decision that battle lines were drawn, the food control gauntlet was thrown down and a war that would last for years was begun.

I stayed fat all of life through the determination on my part that I was going to control what I ate. Food was my comfort, my reward, my incentive, my friend and my control. I could always get myself to do something I might not be too keen on with the promise of a food reward. I would willingly cook up something I was craving an not think twice.

This has now changed. When it first started to change I was amazed. It was a totally novel experience and I admit I was enchanted for a brief period, now I would like to know why. What changed you ask? I have lost a great deal of interest in food, Not just some food  almost all food. I can miss meals and not feel deprived. The other day I had ice cream, my total addiction in the past, something I could not stay away from at any point in time, I ate half of it and threw the container out!!!!! WTF I just knew I would not finish it and I had a mild repulsed reaction to the thought of it. 

I have no idea what is up with this. A container of yogurt, some nuts, a chuck of cheese and a bit of fruit is often supper when I remember to eat it. Breakfast is no problem I seem to manage it. My weight does not seem to change, so I have no idea what the heck is going on. I remain a mystery unto myself.

Toodles Linda